I rarely get excited about things. I’ve lived life pretty much with no expectations and a slightly pessimistic view. Especially when it comes to relationships and emotions and feelings. However, last night and today were one of the most amazing times in my life and it was all because of a person. My feelings are never really contingent on another person and I always try to keep it that way.

I don’t remember the last time I cried because I was sad, I only really cry when I’m angry and frustrated to the point of tears. But after his departure, I found myself crying because I was so sad. Waiting so long, seeing him and being with him….at the time it felt like forever, but getting ready to leave made me realize how fleeting it all was. I don’t think I could have done more or done enough to keep me from feeling that I didn’t do enough or should have done more. 

I wish good things made me happy. Good things, good people, good circumstances. But this truly made me so unbelievably happy and it’s easy for me to block out pain I feel but hard for me to ignore how good and happy I genuinely feel.